This cycle, the tradition of asking female candidates who are mothers to be more like the men is fading.
Consider the New York Times story that recently ran under the headline: “And I’m a Mom.’ Candidates and Voters Warm to Kids on the Trail.”
The article, written by Kate Zernike—a mom herself with two young boys—got serious traction on my Facebook feed from women in our industry who are working moms themselves.
These women have been working and advocating for working-mom candidates and elected officials for years, so seeing their efforts recognized in the Times was a thrill.
I’m one of those women. I'm a female media consultant and a mom, and I am cheering on the female candidates who are breaking the mold this cycle. But to be honest, I’m one of the practitioners in our industry who got used to having to portray female candidates a certain way in ads.
For years, I have been unfairly advising working mom candidates to briefly mention their family, then quickly pivot to the “issues that matter to all voters.”
I wasn’t the only one. There are studies that show female candidates run different creative then men—even in 2018.
From my experience, I worked with clients on messaging that was sensitive to men, who find motherhood and hormones a weakness. Or messaging that was sensitive to women without children, who are assumed to bring their own bias to the table, or more importantly—the voting booth. My guidance to these brave women: appear as strong as the men.
But what does it mean to be as strong as a man anyway?
Men: let’s talk about them really quickly. Historically, men have made up the clear majority of elected officials going back to the founding, and still do. While women make up the majority of eligible votes, at least for Democrats.
In the past, men have used their families to appear more youthful, charming, and wholesome. Male candidates on the trail never face questions about how they balance packing lunches and being in their office first thing. They’re not asked what they would do if the school called home with a sick kid, and they had to be in a committee meeting. There’s a double standard. No doubt about it.
But like I said earlier, this cycle is different because of the spotlight on mothers running for office in 2018 has been nothing short of incredible. One of those moms is Liuba Grechen Shirley, a candidate for Congress in New York, who pushed for a change in the rules regulating campaign contributions thereby making it possible for candidates with families to use money raised for childcare.
Before she announced her campaign, Grechen Shirley served as a United Nations Women’s Global Champion, leading economic development campaigns in support of women across the world.
But Grechen Shirley’s experience isn’t singular in achievement. We have former Navy fighter pilots, whose time as a mom is just as important as their time defending our nation. We have doctors and scientists who are praised just as much for raising their own children, as they are for healing other people’s children. And there’s a slew of candidates, on both sides of the aisle, including their young and old children on camera and in mailboxes talking about their moms, and why they’re the best choice.
And moms are a great choice for our leaders. In fact, the old saying, “if you want something done, ask a busy person," more and more has evolved into, “if you want something done, ask a working mom.”
Those organizational skills that I’ve sharpened over the last seven years, are not unique to me, but they are unique to working mothers. By the way, they are also completely necessary qualities for candidates.
Every candidate needs to be doing three things at any given time. They need patience, and understanding, navigating differing opinions, emotions and motivations. Skills used in any weeknight dinner time at home with the kids. It’s time we normalize these qualities, not make excuses for them. Being a working parent develops unique skills. It’s a good thing.
But there’s one piece of this progress that drives me crazy. Why are working mothers the candidates getting negative press coverage with regards to balancing campaigns, and not working fathers? And why now, are we highlighting working moms as having a breakthrough and not working dads?
I think this is the root of the problem. By defining the problem and solution this way, we create an unbalanced gender dynamic. Creating the default that a working mother has a different set of obstacles to their parental counterpoints in 2018 is shortsighted. The majority of the working moms I know have parenting partners that contribute, making it easier to pursue professional dreams alongside family dreams.
Wouldn’t it be amazing, if in one of these many ads, we could see the dad with a laundry basket, or wiping the chocolate off the face of the kids? We constantly ask women to step up, to be honest about what they want, to check multiple boxes. It’s time we do the same with fathers. We will stop judging the choices of women, when we start judging the choices of men.
There are clear differences between men and women, but knowing how to load the dishwasher is certainly not one of them.
Kelly Grace Gibson is a partner at Hamburger Gibson Creative.